red wolf (redwolf) wrote,
red wolf

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Spam Solution

Spam SolutionShe paused, looking back with longing clearly written on her face. She knew her plan could never be put into place, but it was nice to dream.

As her computer powered down, she pondered her strategy for dealing with the mountain of spam that was threatening to overwhelm her inbox. Sex, drugs, weight loss, weight gain, Nigerian scams and polite notices encouraging her to login into an account in a bank whose custom she'd never sought.

Her plan was simple, if impossible to implement. She wanted to allow the recipients of spam to take matters into their own hands and permanently remove the scourge of spammers. Giving them the satisfaction of gaining instant retribution against the uninvited intrusion of neverending dodgy scams.

What she proposed was for a button to be automatically added to every message. The button would be nicely labelled; If you believe this message is spam, would you like the spammer's head to explode? She had pondered this for a while, wondering if perhaps implosion wouldn't be the better option, as exploding heads would be terribly messy in public situations.

The head exploding wouldn't happen immediately. She figured that it would need to be on a per pissed-off customer basis, to prevent frenzied button pressing by the annoyed. The number of individual button pushes would only reach critical mass after a pre-determined number of hits were accumulated. This feature was mostly to prevent the stupid friends and relatives who insisted on forwarding dumb e-mail chain letters from incurring the wrath of the internet savvy. But if Aunt Mildred decided to forward inane hoaxes onto 100,000 of her dearest friends, she felt that the old dear deserved a good head exploding.

She smiled at the thought of the entertaining news broadcasts that would result from her idea: Florida police are baffled at the sudden spate of spontaneous human head explosions throughout the state. The only thing the deceased have in common is a massive collection of computers and an internet bandwidth greater than that of some small countries.

Admittedly she could have considered simply disabling the offending computers, but it wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

30minutemusechallenge #3: first lines
Tags: fiction, original

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