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Fenced

FencedHeart pounding in his chest, the man ran through the darkened streets. Bored local teenagers had taken out the lights long ago and never been replaced. Why replace something that will only be broken again? Utility apathy at its best.

Slumped against a graffiti covered wall, he tried to suck the freezing London air into his burning lungs. He couldn't stay still for long, it seemed as if he'd been running for hours, his pursuers were relentless.

As his breathing slowed, he could hear something over his own pulse throbbing in his ears. A low steady beat, more felt than heard.

He didn't know what possessed him to head into an industrial area in the middle of the night, there was nothing open, no one around. He was alone. Well, aside from whoever was into the music and that meant people. Maybe he could steal a car, get mobile and put some serious distance between himself and his pursuers.

Running to the end of the street he saw the old church. Long abandoned as the residents were forced out by business, it had been forced to close its doors and was now rented out. Tonight it had been taken over for a rave, driving bass filled the air and strobing lights spun rainbow colours through the stained glass windows.

The open gateway beckoned to him, he staggered to the church door and disappeared in the crowd.


15minuteficletspicture #13
Part of the Chase!verse and the Wolf&Declán!verse

Comments

( 22 howls — talk to the wolf )
willshenilshe
26th May, 2004 13:29 (UTC)
Vivid! I like the idea of a church thus transmuted. I've missed your writing over the past couple of days - hope you're well?
redwolf
27th May, 2004 03:06 (UTC)
Many thanks.

I'm fine, just easing off a little on the writing. I've got a Ripper Ficathon story to write, I got exactly what I wanted as an assignment and my accursed muse has clapped its hands to its ears and is running about singing la, la, la at the top of its voice. That and being distracted by other challenges.

If it keeps this up I'm going to see if it's possible to scoop it out through my ear with a spoon, let's see what it thinks of that.
sanda56
26th May, 2004 14:42 (UTC)
Loved the way you've written this. I could really feel the isolation the the pursued man. London is scary at night if you're on your own.
redwolf
27th May, 2004 03:07 (UTC)
Thanks. I wanted the scary, pleased it worked.
heckthecat
26th May, 2004 14:56 (UTC)
Hmm, interesting. Dark, gives a feel of foreboding. Very very good.
redwolf
27th May, 2004 03:07 (UTC)
Thank you. Pleased the darkness came through.
laridian
26th May, 2004 15:27 (UTC)
I'm looking forward to seeing how this turns out. Who is pursuing him? Will he escape? Why are they after him? So many questions. ;)
redwolf
27th May, 2004 03:09 (UTC)
I was planning to follow it up with the main 15minuteficlets challenge and make it a two parter. Now to get my finger out...
bleakwinters
26th May, 2004 21:10 (UTC)
Brilliant imagery. I must re-read it. It sticks to you and the imapct it has is amazing. Great job, two thumbs up!

Ale
redwolf
27th May, 2004 03:12 (UTC)
Many thanks. I'm slowly learning that most of the time, less is more and the reader fills in the blanks with their own monsters, instead of reading my overly wordy waffle.
kayay
27th May, 2004 23:22 (UTC)
It is good. I rather like original ficlets that link together, It’s tougher imo to do so effectively, but it’s also a good way to explore an idea / world. I shall now read your other, based on the weekly word.
redwolf
27th May, 2004 23:45 (UTC)
I had the urge to write something original. Thanks for reading.
edenfalling
4th Jun, 2004 00:37 (UTC)
strobing lights spun rainbow colours through the stained glass windows

I really like that bit of imagery.
redwolf
5th Jun, 2004 01:36 (UTC)
Many thanks. It seemed a shame not to reference the church's past.
chessie_reeves
4th Jun, 2004 07:49 (UTC)
I really like the way you've paced this; I gt a real sense of the main character's urgency and quiet desperation. I'm also wondering why he's being chased.
redwolf
5th Jun, 2004 01:40 (UTC)
As you've since read the sequels to this, you'll know why he was being chased. I left it this way so you'd feel sympathy for the man's plight. Thanks for reading.
irishvampire13
16th Nov, 2004 05:35 (UTC)
Here's hopin' ye don't consider me a pain in the ass after a while, for reviewing so much, both here and at FP.

But...damn. I've always considered myself a reasonably good writer, but I very much envy your talent at description (always my weak point), keeping it short, and being so skilled at the macabre and/or suspenseful. You're too good. :)
redwolf
16th Nov, 2004 08:32 (UTC)
You're not a pain. Feedback is always good. I'm just surprised you've tackled a year's worth of writing in one hit.

I'm working on description, it's getting better over time. Every time I read something I like, I try and remember how it worked and learn from it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

The short is due to challenges. I spent three years not writing due to an absent muse, got an LJ account when an invite was on offer (only so I could leave proper signed comments on a friend's account) and stumbled over challenge communities.

It seems the muse likes challenges, which is why there's a lot of drabbles and time limited fiction here.

You'd probably get a kick out of 15minuteficlets and maybe wordoftheday100.
irishvampire13
17th Nov, 2004 04:41 (UTC)
~~You're not a pain.~~
Whew!

~~I'm just surprised you've tackled a year's worth of writing in one hit.~~
I'M surprised that you've responded to so many of my comments!

~~You'd probably get a kick out of 15minuteficlets and maybe wordoftheday100.~~
I actually joined 15 sometime last week, in the hopes that it'd kick my muse's ass into gear so I could get something done. No luck, yet, so I joined 100 today. Here's hopin' it helps, lol; thanks for the advice. I usually do pretty well with challenges and/or time limits, so when I find one that speaks to me, maybe my muse will quit pointing and laughing at me behind my back. :-D Hehe.
irishvampire13
16th Nov, 2004 05:37 (UTC)
~~although there was a favoured version going around translations that predicted arnold schwarzenegger being eaten by a small terrier at the next full moon~~

Just as I thought. We're everyone's laughingstock because of that guy. Bleh. For the record, *I* didn't vote for him! Lol!
redwolf
16th Nov, 2004 08:35 (UTC)
That's actually one of mine, from Censure in the Darkness!verse. The quote box picks out quotes from a list at random, it's only 20 here, the one on my site is a couple of hundred and my Thunderbird Tagzilla quote list is about double that.
irishvampire13
16th Nov, 2004 23:32 (UTC)
~~The quote box picks out quotes from a list at random~~

So far, I've seen some pretty damn good ones. I noticed the 'Pirates' one ("Me? I'm dishonest...") just this morning; crazy coincidence, since I watched it last night. :-D
( 22 howls — talk to the wolf )

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