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Channel Surfing

Channel SurfingA cop show, indistinguishable from a law program, that you can't tell apart from a medical series. Interchangeable faces, all blurring together to look like each other, always the same, always perfect.

Flick.

Music television. Adding pictures to sound. Endless loops of repetitive homogenised pop. Pretty young things in flimsy clothes gyrating like a skin flick with a budget. The first song sounds like the second song and the third song. All the singers look the same. Bouncing across a stage, miming to a highly produced version that is worlds away from anything the singer could hope to be sung with their unaltered voice. Real musicians pushed to the background or replaced by electronic freaks who steal snippets of other peoples work and repackage it as their own.

Flick.

A movie. Dark and brooding, washed out, dodgy coloured filters used in place of lighting. Kung-fu extravaganzas ripped off from the masters and watered down for easy consumption. A fight scene, guns that never need reloading, bullet proof horses, the same ricochet sound happening no matter what the composition of the deflecting object. A car chase, the amazing combustibility of American cars, the lack of plot trying to hide behind a good looking lead and pyrotechnic bag of tricks.

Flick.

Lifestyle programs for every niche. Make this, don't cook that, use this colour, plant this tree. Home improvement. DIY. Gardening. More cooking programs than you can poke a stick at. Deep fry, don't fry, bake, grill, barbecue, roast, baste, peel, raw, microwave, roll it in foil and stick it on the engine of your car.

Flick.

Channel after channel of complete and utter crap. Child actors who think acting is behaving like the spoiled brat at a family gathering. Piss poor music slapped onto a film to market it to a target audience of ten year old boys who wouldn't know music if it bit them on the arse. Mindless droning prattle that you have to ignore lest the inconsistencies and factual errors of a complete lack of research drive you insane.

Off.

Bugger this for a joke. I'm going to walk the dogs, the plot's better and so is the dialogue.

Comments

( 2 howls — talk to the wolf )
moonbeamsfanfic
23rd Nov, 2003 20:38 (UTC)
500 stations, and nothing on...
This is what the Discovery Channel is for: when all else fails, watch a lion bring down a gazelle.
redwolf
23rd Nov, 2003 20:55 (UTC)
Re: 500 stations, and nothing on...
Unfortunately I've been stuck with crap from that moronic crocodile wally and his just as loathesome american counterpart lately. That or dodgy programs about extreme sports, travel and eating weird food in strange countries. And as it gets later in the evening, programming switches to Discovery Lifestyle.

Where is a good antelope savaging doco when you want one?

David Attenborough's Life of Mammals was on recently. Anything he does is watchable. Wasn't keen on the last episode, but my Husky was glued to the screen by the monkeys screeching, he likes watching things that sound like food. And dog programs, he'd a big Inspector Rex fan.

The good news is that I get Animal Planet next month, which will solve the problem.
( 2 howls — talk to the wolf )